Saturday, May 8, 2010

I haven't written in about four months. I wish I had something interesting to write about. It's the day before Mother's Day. I'm giving myself an early Mother's Day present in the form of self-pampering. I have about seven things I tcould be doing at this time, but I'm blogging on my netbook while sitting at the dining room table. The past three weeks were crazy hard. My final proposal for my grad school class was due on April 30th. Lily's First Communion was May 3rd. My parents-in-law and sister-in-law came up for the First Communion. We had a party afterwards. And poor Luke had to be out of town for four days from the 23rd-26th of April, come home for the party, and turn around and leave again. I'm wiped from all this. I halfway wanted to go out today, but as the day progressed, I wasn't feeling it so much. I have a really hard time dealing with just being at home normally, but it feels so good just to sit for a minute. No one needs to be dressed. No one has to be anywhere. I took care of mowing the grass and weeding the garden, so I haven't been a total slug today. The weather has been yuck all day long anyway. Maybe this was God's Mother's Day gift to me so I could rest and not feel bad about it.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Preview

Hi everyone:

I'm trying to work out what I will be saying at Becky and Dan's wedding. This is a daunting task. I thought the best way to handle it would be to leave it up for public comment. Becky, this way you can preview it, too. Here's what I hope to say:

I was very grateful and flattered that Becky and Dan asked me to speak at this day, the most important day of their lives. Of course I immediately developed writer's block. Luckily, I rediscovered a book I had purchased a few years back, Seeds of Hope: A Henri Nouwen Reader. Father Nouwen was a Roman Catholic priest, an educator who taught at several seminaries and theological institutes prior to embarking on life-changing work with people with mental disabilities. Although Father Nouwen never married, he had beautiful insight into the nature of love. I would like to share some of his words with you today:

"Love asks for total disarmament...in love men and women take off all forms of power, embracing each other in total disarmament. When through the careful growth of their relationship men and women have come to the freedom of total disarmament their giving also becomes forgiving...their ultimate vulnerability becomes the core of their mutual strength. Power kills. Weakness creates. It creates autonomy, self-awareness, and freedom. It creates openness to give and receive in mutuality."

These words resonated with me, because they seemed so true. When you get married, you need to take off your battle armor. Relationships with other people-all relationships, not just dating relationships-make us world-weary. Even in the best of friendships or family relationships, one can have the tendency to think, "What is his or her angle? What does he or she want?" Marriage requires the total suspension of this judgment. Marriage should preclude holding a grudge against one's spouse, because there will be inevitable disappointments along the way. There will be times when minor offenses-improper folding of towels, forgetting to buy toilet paper, not replacing DVD's in their proper cases-will get on a spouse's nerves. The marriage will be an environment of perfect give and take.

Father Nouwen also noted that at the core of marriage is the idea of weakness and vulnerability. A similar notion is at the center of twelve step programs. In any of the "Anonymous" programs is the idea each person is weak, and the group together is strong because of its weakness. Each person make be weak and strong in different ways. The beauty of marriage is how spouses complement each other.

The passage I quoted also explains that, ultimately, in this environment of total trust, total vulnerability, and total weakness, the spouses can grow and achieve self-awareness. In this marriage the spouses can totally be themselves, more freely than they can be in the outside world. This complete openness should be liberating.

I wish Dan and Becky all the happiness in the world. May you be fully open to one another. May your weaknesses and strengths work together for the good of your union and of the world. In this marriage, may you together become the people God is calling you to be.

In praise of Michael Brandt

We have a snow day! By "we" I mean "I." My super-cool boss gave us the day off by about 5:15. But I sat immobile on the couch for about an hour after that, waiting for Michael Brandt, superintendent of Schools, to call off Newport Independent Schools. He did not. My kids' school system is close to the only one that is on a normal schedule in the Cincinnati metro region. Cincinnati Public Schools, Covington Independent Schools, and St. Xavier High School, infamous for staying open in blizzards, all closed. I'm sure this heralds the coming apocalypse. Still my poor children had to bundle up and go to school.

But how nice is that for me? Thank you, Michael Brandt. Thank you for giving me permission to watch a movie, if I want. Thank you for allowing me to go to the new SuperMegaKrogerville down the street from me without bringing Captain Uncooperative with me. Thanks for giving me a few hours without hearing, "Mommy?! Vincent hit me/bit me/pushed me,etc." or "Mommy?! I'm hungry!" Michael Brandt, you are my new hero! Hip, hip, HOORAY!